10 June 2016

A Letter To Whoever

Dear Reader,

When I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at age 11, I thought my world was ending. I thought I was going to die. I can still vividly remember pacing back and forth in the doctor’s office, hyperventilating and in full tears, repeating over and over again, “Oh my goodness. This can’t be happening. Why me? Why me? This can’t be happening.”

I was scared shitless.

I felt confused, alone, and so beyond out of control. My world had turned upside down.I went to Children’s Hospital LA and they told me I was going to be okay. They told me I wasn’t going to die from Type 1 Diabetes. I was told that I was weeks away from possibly being in a diabetic coma, but I was lucky enough to be given a second chance.

My friend passed away from a car accident when she was 6 years old and didn’t get a second chance.

My grandma died too young from a stroke when I was 9 and wasn’t given a second chance.

I was.

I was given a second chance and I knew then that I would make it count. Years passed and I learned how to live my new life. It was an uphill battle. Some days were good and some days were bad. When I turned 16, a lot of my peers started experimenting with alcohol and what not. I didn’t. I didn’t want to party and I didn’t want to drink.

I wanted to stay at home and watch TV and play with my brothers and continue to manage my diabetes. I wanted to go play at the park and listen to music. I wanted to sing and go to the mall. I didn’t want to party late and drink till I didn’t remember anything.

The part that no one ever seemed to realize is that I cannot just drink and get drunk whenever I feel like it. You see with alcohol consumption, one’s liver has to work to break down the toxins and remove them. When the liver is busy doing this, it isn’t capable of doing all the other jobs it normally does. This can then lead to hypoglycemia, which is when one’s blood glucose (the sugar in the bloodstream) drops. However, a Type 1 Diabetic who has consumed too much alcohol can go into hypoglycemia much faster than normal. Let’s say I were to get drunk and pass out at a party, many may assume that I can’t handle my alcohol and would leave me be or wouldn’t know how to help me. There’s also the chance that no one would even realize I was passed out.

The reality of the situation is that the alcohol in my system would be causing my blood sugar to drop and I could very much be slipping into a diabetic coma and to put it lightly…I could die. Where someone in perfect health might just pass out and then be fine the next day, it’s much more serious for those with Type 1 Diabetes.

To be clear, I didn’t say any of this to call anyone out or make anyone upset. I get it, we are teenagers. This is what many teenagers and young adults do. I am in no way saying for people not to drink and party. I’m saying all this because in the past, my feelings were hurt. In high school I was most likely looked at by certain people as the “good girl who never drinks or parties.”

I know that I didn’t get invited to parties and maybe that was because people assumed that wasn’t my scene. I had people joke with me that I should just try it because why not. No one seemed to understand where I was coming from so I stopped trying to explain myself.

It’s weird, by my senior year in high school I had had Type 1 Diabetes for about 6 years. Yet occasionally, I still felt those same feelings of confusion and loneliness that I had experienced the day I was diagnosed. Since starting college, everything has changed. I am not afraid to own up and say, “No I don’t drink and no I don’t want to go to that party and get drunk.” If people ask me why, I don’t mind explaining. And if they don’t care, then it’s not worth my explanation. I am completely happy with my decision to wait to deal with drinking until I am ready. And, I will be ready to start thinking about all that, when I turn 21.

Being a Type 1 Diabetic and drinking is not impossible. Type 1 Diabetics do it all the time. They know their limits, have friends who look out for them, and know how to make smart choices when it comes to managing their diabetes. People don’t realize that being a Type 1 Diabetic, I am constantly living my life with my blood sugar on my mind. I don’t get a day off from being a diabetic. I am constantly making sure my sugar isn’t too low or too high. I always have to leave the house with my blood sugar monitor, insulin in order to eat, juice boxes if my sugars low, and snacks to prevent the low blood sugars from happening.

“Why did you write this Nora?” “What’s the point?”

I wanted to get my thoughts on paper. On top of that, I want people, especially those close to my age, to know that if you don’t want to do something or you have a reason that makes it hard to do something, don’t be afraid to say no. You don’t have to drink in order to be “cool” or because everyone else is doing it. If your friends love you for you, they will respect your choices.

I wrote this to share a lesson I have learned over the last few years. People are going to judge you, no matter what. It is solely up to you to either be judged for someone you are pretending to be or for who you truly are.

And here’s the thing, so freaking what if people judge you! We all get one life and we have to live it for ourselves, not for other people. I have Type 1 Diabetes and I don’t drink right now for health reasons and personal preference. T

hat doesn’t mean I never will. I will do so when I am ready.

If you disagree with my choices, that’s okay. If you don’t care, that’s okay. If you've never been in my shoes however, that’s okay too. Be confident in your own choices and trust your heart. At the end of the day, just be yourself.

Sincerely and with much love,

18-year-old me