Dear You (Wherever You Are),

I am writing this letter to a friend that I lost when I was 7 years-old. For privacy purposes, I will omit her name from the letter.

Dear You,

I know you won’t be able to read this, but maybe you will. I’m going to write it anyway because you are always on my mind and I think it was time I put my thoughts to paper. The day we lost you changed my life in more ways than I think I even realized at the time. I was only 7. I don’t think I even understood what the word death meant.

However, I was being told by my parents, that my dear friend was hit and killed by a car and I would never get to see her again. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was sitting on my living room floor in complete and utter shock, with tears streaming down my face. I still see the tears on my mom’s face as my dad told her the news on my front porch. I still hear the sheer cries from my friend as she too heard this heartbreaking news.

I still feel the same bit of confusion as to why your story ended the way that it did. I don’t think any of us could comprehend what it all meant and honestly…it still doesn’t make much sense.

As of today, I am 19 years old and you would have been 18. Geez, 18. It’s crazy to think how much you have missed. It’s also crazy that throughout all the milestones I have reached, you have been on my mind through them all. I guess it’s because it pains me to know that you won’t get to reach them, at least not in the same way.

A few months after we lost you, my grandma passed away too. I don’t really understand why that had to happen either. She was so special and she left us way too soon. When, she passed, I like to think that maybe you two met and she has been looking out for you this whole time. That might sound kind of crazy, but it was the only way for my 7-year-old self to process it all. Truly, it’s the only way my 19-year-old self continues to process it all.

When I was almost 12, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The doctors told me that if I had waited another week or two, I could’ve been in a diabetic coma. Yet, for some reason I caught it in time. I was so lucky. I was so fortunate. I was given a second chance. I was scared shitless about what came next, but I knew that whatever it was I was going to make it count. I was going to make my second chance count and a big reason for that was you.

To this day, you have always been on my mind. You were the friend I didn’t get to grow up with or watch grow up. Yet, you were the friend that I could always count on. I continuously remember your six-year-old smile and I think to myself, “I have to keep going, for the little girl whose second chance was taken from her.”

I wish you were still here. I wish that even if our paths didn’t cross as much now, I could still see photos of you and your family having all sorts of crazy adventures. I wonder what your interests would be and where you would be attending college.

My family and I will continue to remember you on your birthday. I will continue to mention you in casual conversation, as my friend who loved SpongeBob and knew how to light up a room with goofy faces. I will continue to do my best to appreciate the little things in life because life is short and moves insanely fast.

I hope that wherever you are, you know that you are so loved by so many people. I hope you know that I have not forgotten your name. I hope you know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I hope you know that you will never be forgotten.

Wherever you are, I hope you know that in the 6 years that you were here, you made such a positive impact in my life. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. I am still unsure as to what the reason was for you being taken from the world so young.

I am so very sure that our paths were meant to cross. I am so fortunate to have known you.

Thank you for being a ray of light when I want to give up and go hide under a blanket. Thank you for being the soft voice in the back of my head, telling me to hold on to hope.

Thank you for being you, then and now. You are forever loved.

oxoxoxox,

Your friend with blonde hair and a love for Kraft Spongebob Mac and Cheese