Dancing, Rocket Ships and Playgrounds

I’m not sure when we lost it. Or more specifically when I lost it? Does it fade away gradually as we age or is it sudden, disappearing in an instant?

I sat in Church, a Unitarian Church in the Valley, tired and in need of coffee. I used to go more often when I was a kid but less as I've gotten older – going only when my mom asked for me to tag along. We all stood as the piano began to play the opening hymn. As the voices in the room swelled, a 5-year-old girl danced up the center aisle. People continued to linger and slowly walk to their seats as the music played. The little girl danced in front of them and almost bumped into an elder woman walking down the aisle. She looked up, took a step back and then continued to dance, her movement slightly off beat from that of the music.

The song ended and she ran back to her seat. Moments later the choir started singing another song and all the sudden the little girl appeared again, doing ballet turns and leaps down the aisle.

I watched her dance but she was too entranced by the music and the dance routine to notice.

Later on in the service another little girl came in late, excited that she made it in time for the children’s story but missed “the boring stuff.”

After the service ended I went to the church playground to keep an eye on my brothers. Both of these little girls, along with a little boy their age, were on the swing set. They asked me to push them so I did. They laughed and giggled and gave me countdowns to when the “rocket was ready for take off.”

I sat watching them swing and laugh and talk to themselves in a language only they understood. They were so unapologetic. Screaming loudly and giggling when the swing got twisted.

It made me think. When do we stop being so unapologetic? When do we stop dancing in the aisles? When do we stop being so open and honest? When do we stop screaming loudly because we've never heard anything funnier than a “human peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

I thought about it and in reality if we as adults did any of that we would be looked at funny and questioned. But why? Why do we have to let go of the child inside us as we grow up? Why do we have to be so afraid of how we’re seen in the world?

I don’t have the answers but I have a theory. I think that we are so afraid of being judged. We’re so afraid of dancing wrong or saying what we think and then being made to feel like our thoughts aren’t valid. We’re so afraid of opening up, of being vulnerable. But what if we pretended we weren’t afraid? And what if doing so led us to be less afraid and in turn, more brave?

Next time you’re at the grocery store and a song comes on you like, don’t be afraid to dance down the aisles as if no one's watching. Next time you’re walking your dog, pretend the ground is lava or you're in a movie. Whatever it is, don’t let go of your imagination. Don’t be afraid to speak up and say what’s on your mind.

Growing up is full of being serious and safe, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be your 5-year-old self, spontaneously dancing or flying to the moon in your imaginary rocket ship.