Merry Go Round

“Mary Mary quite contrary. We get bored so we get married. And just like dust we settle in this town. On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go. Where we stop nobody knows. And it ain't slowin' down, this merry go 'round”

I sang this Kacey Musgrave’s song when I auditioned for the Vocal Percussion Radio in my freshman year of college. I got a callback and I was ecstatic. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts I couldn’t make the callback and I had to wait a semester to try out again. I set my schedule for my Fall Semester of Sophomore year, making sure I would be able to attend rehearsals. I went to the VPR table during Meet the Clubs and heard the voices of beautiful people singing. I got a flyer and started preparing my audition song the second I walked away from the table.

A couple weeks passed and I went into the audition. Much to my surprise, I got a callback. Holy crap! I kind of freaked out (just a little). I went into callbacks and I was so nervous. I had fun but I was shy and I’m pretty sure that came across. I was also singing with the sopranos and probably should’ve been with the altos but I was to scared to speak up and say something. That night I went home and waited. I waited for the email. I told myself not to get my hopes up. But let’s be real, I had my fingers and my toes crossed.

I got an email. It said I didn’t make it. My heart sank to the floor and I tried to hold back tears. I tried but instantly I felt my eyes fill up and I was devastated. I went back and reread the emails and then noticed that I was in fact supposed to sing with the altos. It was an honest mistake and I should’ve read the email more carefully. I didn’t want to speak up, but my gut told me to do so. I emailed back and explained what had happened. They gave me a second chance! The next day I went to callbacks again. I was still nervous but so grateful. We went through the songs and talked and I did my best to open up. That night I went home and waited for an email. A few hours felt like days and I must have refreshed my email a hundred times within those few hours.

And then finally, I received an email...I GOT IN. HOLY FREAKING GUACAMOLE.

Prior to me auditioning for VPR, I was lost. I felt alone and I wanted desperately to make friends in college, but having trust issues made that hard. I wanted to sing and I wanted to meet people that were genuine and kind. I thought about joining a sorority but honestly that is so far from me. I just really really wanted to meet people that I could connect with. I chose the Kacey Musgrave’s song to sing for my first audition because at the time that song seemed to pretty much sum up how I was feeling. I was at a place in my life where I was unhappy and I was just going through the everyday motions. I felt like I was trapped on a merry go round and I just wanted to jump off.

OKAY BACK TO THE GUACAMOLE.

I was so excited!! I literally told everyone I knew and freaked out. I couldn’t wait. Rehearsals started shortly after and I felt a little out of place at first. However, slowly but surely I got more comfortable and friendships began to form. To this day, I have been a part of this a cappella group for almost two semesters. I have known twelve of these people for a few months and four of them for about a little over one month. It has been such a short amount of time but I have a hard time remembering them not being in my life. Is that weird?I didn’t know that it was possible to connect with so many people in such a short amount of time.

While writing this, I keep thinking back to when I first auditioned and I barely recognize who I was then. I was so scared of these beautiful people and worried that they weren’t going to like me.I don’t think there are enough words to describe how these people make me feel. I have literally spent hours trying to come up with the words and I’m not kidding I have brought myself to tears. I get attached to people really fast and more often than not, that has caused me to end up heartbroken and disappointed.

However, these people. They are all so great. They are so different and unique. I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people. Like how? And I’m not kidding, that’s an actual question. If any one has answers, please. I seriously don’t know. They are such genuinely sweet and talented people.

I turn twenty this year and lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I still feel kind of lost and like I am stuck on a merry go round of sorts. The funny thing is, I don’t feel like I need to jump off anymore.

When I met these people and got to know them, the "merry go round I was on" slowed down a little and I began to realize that we’re all kind of on this merry go round together. I am at a point where I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do and it can be really scary and intimidating sometimes. When I’m with these people though, I feel less scared. I get lost in the moments, endless laughter, and their beautiful smiles. I find myself constantly losing track of time. These people make me laugh and cry and they truly make me feel like I belong.

A couple of weeks ago, some of the older members performed Waka Waka for us newer members. I sat watching them sing this song and dance and smile. I stared at them in awe and my heart melted. It was that moment, that reminded me why I joined the group. There is something so magical about singing beautiful music with people that make you feel beautiful both inside and out.

Life is so scary and there’s so much pressure. I mean let’s be real, we are in college trying to study to then go out into the real world and work and stress out. However, when you find your people...the people that make you feel good, life all the sudden seems so much less terrifying.

To the beautiful people that make driving to CSUN in LA traffic worth it, thank you so much for being you. Thank you for filling my life with so much love and joy. You know who are are and I am forever grateful to have you in my life.To anyone reading this who may be scared, lost, or confused, trust me you are not alone.

Take a chance and join the club or class that you’ve been thinking about for a while. You never know who you may meet.

Be scared.

Be brave.

The universe works in mysterious ways and seems to bring the right people into your life just when you need them most.Just remember to always be yourself.