practice makes patience
Patience. I don’t believe we’re born with patience. I believe it's learned and must be practiced. And to be practiced, it must be tested. Over and over.
A few weeks ago, I was in bed sound asleep when my sister got an alert on her phone saying my Dexcom was reading low. I have an app that mirrors my Dexcom and my sister is listed as one of my emergency contacts. For some reason my Dexcom didn’t alarm but nonetheless, my sister woke me up and instantly I panicked. There’s nothing like waking up in the middle of the night from a sound sleep, completely out of it and having to correct a scary low blood sugar.
I was confused — normally when I’m that low my body wakes me up, why didn’t it? I did a finger stick, checking my sugar and it read 125. I checked again – my Dexcom still reading 54. Again, 125. I took a deep breath. I was okay. My pump was telling me I still had insulin on board so I decided to give it a few minutes before going back to sleep.
You see, the thing about Type 1 Diabetes is it has been and continues to be the biggest test of patience I’ve experienced in my life and ultimately it’s what has made me such a patient person.
Ever since I was diagnosed with T1D back in 2009, I have been tested time and time again, taught that I am more resilient than I knew possible. Diabetes leads to a lot of quiet, internal calculations and a lot of time waiting. Often in stillness, sometimes sitting in pure panic.
From waiting in traffic on the way to quarterly endocrinologist visits, to waiting in waiting rooms for them to call my name, to the waiting and anticipation for blood work to be done and dose adjustments to be made.
There's the hours and days spent on hold with insurance companies and pharmacies. The waiting for doctor approval and prescription updates. There’s the wait for the call that your order is ready for pick up or for the delivery to arrive at your front door.
From waiting the 15 minutes before rechecking after a low to waiting for those pesky middle of the night lows to come back up before going back to sleep. We wait for that pre-bolus to kick in before we eat the meal and we wait for those mood changing highs to make their way back down.
Patience is tested when pump site changes fail 30 minutes and we have to start over. It’s tested when no matter what, our sugars just aren’t cooperating. It gets overwhelming and frustrating. We get angry and can feel defeated but we push through and we continue to do it...because it’s how we survive.
This patience comes in big waves – a lifetime waiting for a cure and mere ripples – the 2-hour waiting period for a new sensor to warm up.
Are we patient by choice? Does being diabetic or fighting a chronic illness automatically make us patient beings – no. But it sure as hell gives us the opportunity to acquire a more patient state of mind. Practice makes patience.
So the other night when I checked my blood sugar and it was 125 with some insulin still on board, I waited. I waited a bit to see if it would stay steady or begin to drop.
At midnight, in the middle of the week, it hit me just how much patience T1D has granted me. Diabetes isn’t easy. It’s an everyday constant that makes up a big part of my life. Every choice I make is in some way or another influenced by diabetes.
Some days it sits on the back burner, there but not too distracting. Other days it’s an all consuming battle and hard to give attention to anything else. But most days it lies somewhere in the middle.
Does this mean I don’t find myself frustrated, overwhelmed or anxious? Absolutely not, I’m human. Diabetes forced me to grow up a little faster than other kids my age. It made me really appreciate the little things and showed me how to not only be patient when it comes to diabetes, but in all aspects of life. Diabetes is no easy feat and some days are better than others.
Patience makes the good days a walk in the park, it makes the hard days a test we didn’t sign up for and it makes it so all the days in between feel a little more balanced.
Diabetes or not, life is constantly testing and teaching us all about patience. We spend a lot of time waiting, whether it be a long line at the DMV or to get through to an actual person at the pharmacy. Diabetes just so happens to be what’s allowed me to realize how important patience is, for a more calm and collected way of being.
Ask yourself, what tests your patience most? Has it allowed you to realize just how capable and resilient you are? 💙
