a lot on my mind…
I had something else I wrote that I was going to share today but this felt more accurate to where I’m at right now. The world has been feeling extra heavy lately. As we officially hit two years of this pandemic, we are also bearing witness to completely unnecessary violence against the people of Ukraine, more hate towards trans kids and members of the LGBTQ+ community in Florida and Texas and further actions being taken to ban abortion access in certain states.
These past few years have been an emotional roller coaster and during this pandemic I’ve found myself drawn to the people who are unafraid to share the messy, imperfect parts of life alongside all the good ones. I find that, especially with social media highlight reels, it's very easy to fall into patterns of toxic positivity – removing all aspects of what it is to be human. Even more so now, as we all continue to heal from the trauma this pandemic brought, I think it's important to give ourselves and each other permission to feel it all.
Ever since being diagnosed with diabetes at age 11, I’ve always tried to find the positives - glass half full, turn lemons into lemonade type of mindset. While I think that's important, making light of all the other emotions that we feel would be untrue to the collective human experience. And yes, finding that balance is a skill I’m still trying to master.
I saw a post on Instagram the other day that said something along the lines of “it’s hard to go on about your day when so much horrible stuff is happening around the world” and these past few days I’ve really felt that.
This past weekend, diabetes felt like it was taking over and I was dealing with 48 hours of stubborn highs. Period hormones mixed with the state of the world plus high blood sugar equaled lots of feelings and plenty of tears. I felt physically sick and emotionally drained - so much on my mind and unsure of where to direct my energy.
Not only that but I felt frustrated – feeling like I needed to be able to control my blood sugars. If I could do that, maybe I would then feel less overwhelmed by the fact that I, that we, have little to no control over any and all external circumstances.
I've been feeling a little lost lately…most of us have been living in survival mode for these past two years and it still feels like the future holds a lot of uncertainty. Things are changing but being high risk, I don’t feel not fully ready to trust certain things yet - worried that the rug could again get ripped out from under us if we let our guard down. On top of that, how are we supposed to go about our daily lives when Ukrainian families are being torn apart? Mothers and children fleeing to find safety, while fathers stay behind to fight for their country.
For the past few months, I've been babysitting my neighbors’ almost one year old son and the other day he was riding his bike. Then all the sudden he knocked it over and said “uh oh” before picking it back up. He did this over and over again for about 20 minutes. I just watched, as he knocked it over, got sad and then seemed so proud of himself when he picked it back up. Watching him go through these emotions made me realize just how much learning to ride a bike is a lot like life – being able to find a balance between what we're going through in our own lives and what is going on in the world around us.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
